What I Wish My Parents Knew About Their Fights
Unresolved Fights Taught Me to Avoid Conflict
Something I wish my parents understood is how their constant, unresolved fighting would shape the way I handle conflict in my own life. Watching them argue about the same things over and over—without ever resolving them—taught me the wrong lessons. Instead of learning how to calmly work through disagreements, I grew up avoiding confrontation, not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t know how to approach it in a healthy way. Now, when there’s an issue with a friend, a partner, or even at work, my instinct isn’t to address it peacefully—it’s to let the incident replay in my head like a bad song I can’t turn off.
Peaceful Relationships Felt Uncomfortable
Another thing I wish they knew is how their constant drama made normal, loving relationships feel weird to me. When you grow up in a household full of tension, peace feels unnatural. I’ve found myself unintentionally sabotaging good relationships—creating drama just to make things feel “normal” again. But the truth is, no one wins in that situation. Not only does it hurt your partner or friends, but in the end, it leaves you suffering the most.
I Became More Selfish Without Realizing It
When parents fight, it’s all about them—who’s right, who’s winning, who’s getting what they want. As a kid watching that, I didn’t realize how much of it I absorbed. Later in life, I caught myself doing the same thing. If I wanted something—a friend to come to my party, someone to do what I wanted to do—and it didn’t happen, I’d take it personally. Instead of talking about it, I’d bottle it up, replay it in my head, and let it create unnecessary drama. And all that did was push people away.
So How Do You Break the Cycle?
If you’re reading this and wondering, How do I not let this control me?, here’s what helped me:
Distance Yourself from the Drama. If you’re still in that environment, create space. Put on headphones, go for a walk, lose yourself in a game, a book, or music. You can’t change them, but you can protect yourself.
Self-Reflection is Everything. You have to recognize the patterns in yourself. Ask yourself: Do I want to live the rest of my life like this? If not, what are you going to do differently? How are you going to get help? Find something that grounds you. Maybe it’s journaling, therapy, or just deep conversations with someone who gets it.
Lean on Something Bigger. If you’re spiritual, prayer and faith can be powerful tools. It’s because you’re not fighting this battle alone and God will bless and carry this battle for you.
Let the Hard Lessons Teach You. The heartbreaks, the lost friendships, the missed opportunities—all of it has something to teach you. If you don’t learn from them, they’ll just keep repeating.
This isn’t easy. Breaking out of the patterns you grew up with takes work. But I can tell you this: it’s worth it. The choice is yours—do you let your past define your future, or do you take control and rewrite your story?
