How to Win an Argument with Your Girlfriend or Wife

I’ve been in more relationships than I want to admit. After over ten years of marriage—plus raising an 8-year-old and a 7-year-old with severe special needs—I’ve had my fair share of arguments. Saying we argue is an understatement. But through experience, I’ve figured out three simple (and surprisingly effective) ways to “win” an argument with your girlfriend or wife.

Now, when I say “win,” I don’t mean proving her wrong or getting the last word. A real win is when the argument de-escalates, you both feel heard, and the relationship stays strong. Here’s how:

1. Flip the Argument and Make It funny

Humor is your best weapon in an argument. Instead of fueling the fire, flip the situation 180 degrees and make it funny.

For example, if you’re arguing about spending habits—maybe she’s spending too much money on cosmetics—just pause and say, “You know what? You should spend less on yourself and more … on me! Buy me some skincare cause mine looks like ass!” Then, shift her mood physically—tickle her, give her a bear hug, or pick her up and kiss her.

Or let’s say she’s mad at you for not doing the dishes (and you hate doing dishes). Respond with: “You know I despise doing dishes, right? But fine, I’ll do them—on one condition. You have to do something you hate for me too 😈😜”

The key is to be silly, lighthearted, and never personal. Humor changes the energy instantly.

2. Say These Four Words: ‘OK, Are You Done?’

This might sound dismissive, but trust me, it works—if done correctly.

Let her finish everything she has to say. Don’t interrupt. Don’t defend yourself. Just listen. Then, when there’s a pause, calmly ask, “OK, are you done?”

She might not be finished. That’s fine. If she keeps going, just repeat it: “OK, are you done?”

This phrase does three things:
✅ It keeps you from reacting emotionally.
✅ It helps her vent without turning it into a shouting match.
✅ It signals that it’s time to move on.

It doesn’t mean you agree or disagree—it just stops the argument from escalating. Once she says “Yes, I’m done.” Walk away!

3. Say, ‘You’re Right. I Understand.’

Even if you don’t fully agree, say it. Because most arguments aren’t about who’s right—they’re about feeling misunderstood.

When she’s upset, it might not even be about the actual argument. It could be an old wound, built-up frustration, or just a bad day. And in that moment, she’s looking for reassurance, not logic.

By saying “You’re right. I understand,” you check all the boxes:
✅ She feels heard.
✅ She feels validated.
✅ The argument ends without resentment.

Because at the end of the day, relationships aren’t about winning an argument. If one of you loses, both of you lose. It’s about working as a team—and when you win together, the relationship gets stronger.

Would you try these out in your next argument? How do you guys win arguments? Let me know!