Growing Up with a Sibling Who Has Severe Disabilities

If you have a sibling with severe disabilities—whether mental, physical, or both—this is for you. I want to take a moment to acknowledge your journey, your struggles, and your strength. This is also a message to my own daughter, who is growing up with a brother who has severe Autism and Williams syndrome.

The Challenges You Face

I want to start by saying, I’m sorry. I know you experience a lot—chaos, drama, and moments that feel overwhelming. Home life isn’t always peaceful, and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. Raising children is already difficult, but raising a child with severe challenges is something no parent is ever truly prepared for. And we understand that it’s hard on you, too.

The fights, the yelling, sometimes even the physical abuse—it’s not something any child should have to witness. I wish I could shield you from it all, but I know that’s not possible. What I can do is let you know that you are seen, you are valued, and you are not alone.

Why Us? Why This Life?

I know you may sometimes wonder, Why me? Why my family? Why my sibling? Is this Normal for Everyone? And to be honest, it’s not normal. Most families don’t go through what we do. 95% of the people around us will never understand the depth of the struggles we face daily.

Maybe you’ve thought, I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to have kids. What if my own child turns out like this? And I understand. I truly do. Trauma leaves scars, and it’s okay to have those feelings. It’s okay to feel conflicted.

But I want to remind you that out of all the chaos, if we had to do it over again—if we had to choose between having you and your brother or not having kids at all—we would choose you both, a hundred times over. Because through everything, you are the glue that holds us together.

The Meaning Behind the Struggles

I believe that challenges are placed in our lives for a reason. Your brother being part of our family isn’t a mistake. His presence forces us to grow, to face our own flaws, and to become better people. And even when it feels impossible, even when it feels like we’re drowning, we keep pushing forward—because we have you.

We don’t have any friends who truly understand what we’re going through. The isolation can be hard, and I know you feel it, too. But we see you. We appreciate you. You make a difference in ways you may not even realize.

Love That Holds Us Together

You might not fully understand it yet, but one day, if you choose to have children, you’ll know what true love is. It’s the kind of love that we would give up our lives for. It’s the kind of love that makes all the struggle worth it.

We are constantly learning how to be better parents, better people, and one day, we’ll figure it out. In the meantime, we’re grateful that you’re with us on this journey. Thank you for being part of our family. Thank you for helping us stay together. Without you, it would be easy to fall apart. But because of you, we hold on.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re ever afraid that your future will mirror the struggles of our family, remember this: You are strong. You are capable. And no matter what challenges life throws at you, you will overcome them—just as we have. And if you ever need us, we will be here, always.

You are loved. You are important. And you make this all worth it.