When Family Becomes Too Much
Growing up, we’re told that family is everything. Movies, TV shows, and social media paint a picture of parents and children growing closer as they age. You expect that with time, the wounds from childhood heal, and relationships improve. But what if they don’t?
If you’re in your late 20s, 30s, 40s, or even 50s and find yourself still dealing with toxic parents, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve moved farther away, hoping for space to bring clarity and peace. Maybe you’ve cut contact for months or even years, only to try reconnecting—just to have things fall apart all over again. I get it because I’ve lived it.
When Reconnecting Feels Like a Trap
A while back, I went no-contact with my parents—two years with my dad, eight months with my mom. Then, around Christmas, we tried again. Things seemed better... for a while. But here we are, not even two months later, and everything has spiraled back into chaos.
My parents are in their 70s, yet they still bring unnecessary drama into my life. It doesn’t matter how much distance I put between us; they find a way. Just the other day, my mom called and unloaded all her emotional, spiritual problems on me—like verbal diarrhea, expecting me to absorb it all. I had to stop her. I told her, "Mom, you need to go to church and bring this to God or Jesus. I cannot help you with this. I can’t fix this."
You Are Not Responsible for Your Parents' Issues
If this resonates with you, hear me loud and clear: you are not responsible for your parents’ emotional baggage. You have your own life to live. Maybe you have kids to raise, work challenges to face, personal battles to fight. You don’t need to carry the weight of your parents’ unresolved issues.
Toxic parents will often use guilt, manipulation, and emotional ultimatums to keep you tangled in their chaos. My mom has told me countless times, “If you don’t listen to me, I’ll disown you!” as if that’s some shocking punishment. It’s not. It’s manipulation. And if you’ve experienced this, know that it’s not okay.
It’s Okay to Walk Away
If you need a break, take it. If you need to cut ties completely, do it. You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your mental and emotional energy—not even your parents. Real life isn’t like the happy, perfectly curated family pictures on social media. Some families are toxic, and that’s not your fault.
Instead of feeling guilty, focus on what you can control: your happiness, your peace, and the well-being of the family you create. Prioritize your kids, your partner, your real friends—the people who love and support you without conditions.
You Deserve Peace
At the end of the day, your parents are adults, just like you. Their choices and problems are theirs, not yours. So, if they refuse to change and continue to bring toxicity into your life, you have every right to step back. Protect your peace. Focus on the people who truly matter. And most importantly, don’t feel guilty for choosing yourself.
You are not alone in this, and you don’t have to carry this burden anymore. Comment below to share your toxic parent experience.
