Trouble with eye contact

Struggling to Make Eye Contact? Here’s My Journey and How I Improved

Making eye contact with strangers used to be a huge challenge for me. Whether it was a passerby or someone staring at me, it made me super uncomfortable. Here’s how it all started and what I did to change it.

Why I Used to Avoid Eye Contact

1. Bad Experiences Taught Me the Wrong Lessons
   When I was younger, if I caught someone staring at me, I’d look away. But if I looked back and they were still staring, I’d get angry. It felt like a challenge, like they were trying to “mad-dog” me (a term I learned from my college roommate—it means staring in a way that’s meant to intimidate). That idea stuck in my head, and I began associating eye contact with confrontation.

   On top of that, my relationship with my dad didn’t help. The only times we made eye contact were when he was angry. There was no warmth or love in those moments. This shaped how I felt about eye contact—it became something tied to low self-esteem and aggression.

2. Low Self-Esteem Made Things Worse
   I struggled with confidence, and it showed. I couldn’t hold eye contact with girls, whether they were someone I found attractive or not. I felt shy, introverted, and honestly, it frustrated me. Without that confidence, my chances of forming connections felt nonexistent.

3. Frowning Without Realizing It
   I later noticed I had a habit of frowning without meaning to. If I saw someone looking at me while I was frowning, I’d immediately look away because it felt awkward, like I was giving off bad energy.

How I Turned Things Around

It didn’t happen overnight, but here’s what worked for me:

1. Start with Yourself
   Every morning, I’d look in the mirror and smile at myself. Yeah, it sounds cheesy, but it works. I’d remind myself:

   • “You’re a good-looking person.”

   • “You’re lovable.”

   • “People want to get to know you.”
     These affirmations helped me build confidence and see myself in a better light.

2. Fix Your Mood First
   I realized that my bad mood was often tied to the environment I was in. Living in a dysfunctional home didn’t help, so once I moved out, my confidence slowly came back. I started avoiding people or situations that brought me down and focused on things that made me happy.

3. Practice in Small Steps
   I began smiling at strangers—guys, girls, anyone. It was tough at first, but I reminded myself I had nothing to lose. If someone didn’t smile back, it wasn’t a reflection of me; maybe they were just having a bad day.

4. Focus on Positive Energy
   Smiling and being in a good mood changed everything. When I was genuinely happy, it was easier to say hi to people, hold eye contact, and connect. The more I practiced, the more natural it felt.

What I Learned

Eye contact isn’t about dominating someone or proving anything. It’s about connection. When you approach people with positive energy and confidence, everything changes. Even if someone doesn’t respond the way you hope, it doesn’t matter because you’re in control of your vibe.

So, start small: smile at yourself, then at others. Build confidence one day at a time. You’re worth it, and the world deserves to see the amazing person you are.